Letting Go

This past week has been challenging to say the least. When we brought our precious little girl home, I had no idea the journey that lay before us. Much like our coming home with Lukey (minus the ice, no power, burst pipes, etc.), little Miss Molly's liver decided it wasn't quite ready to function properly. So we made daily trips to the hospital to check her bili levels. And we watched them rise ... and rise ... and rise some more. RIse so much that she exceeded her brother's levels for which he spent 4 days in Cardinal Glennon. But, thanks to new understanding of jaundice and tolerable levels, we were able to keep our baby girl home and let her glow her little heart out on her bili blanket - or her light saber as her brother calls it. And throughout this past week, people meant well with their comments. She'll be fine they said. It's common said another. All my kids dealt with that. And in hind-sight, it is really easy to "LET GO" and say such words, but I found no comfort in those comments. You see, when you are hormonal, overwhelmed but comepletly in love with your "perfect" baby, it is heart-breaking to watch a nurse come in every day, slice their foot open and then squeeze the snot, blood actually, out of it as your little writhes in pain.

However, as her levels began to drop, then go back up, but drop nonetheless, I was finally able to "LET GO" and let God handle it. Did you catch that ... AFTER it had resolved.

So, when I finally "LET GO" of one problem, we were faced with yet another. About 2 weeks ago, Jeremy came down with a horrible cold/cough. He took great measures to protect me, our then unborn baby and LUke. SO much so that he wore a mask around the house while Lysoling every surface he could. We anxiously waited, fully expecting for that nasty ailment to work it's way through the rest of our family. TO our surprise, it didn't. We delivered a beautiful baby girl to an (almost) healthy family. Jeremy got better day by day and we were so surprised that Luke hadn't caught any of it. Hadn't caught any of it until Sunday. Sunday the cough started, and then tonight fever. And again I am faced with the decision of Letting Go.

Why is it that we, or maybe just I, struggle so much with just "LETTING GO?" Does the Bible not tell us: “And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” – Phil 4:19; “These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33; John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.

So as I sit here thinking about my oldest baby laying in bed, feverish, hacking, and feeling down right terrible and thinking about my littlest baby in her bassinet, vulnerable, new, and precious, I have a choice. Do I "LET GO" of this worry or do I let it consume me. Do I use my baby blues as an excuse to sit up and cry and watch them sleep as if that will somehow protect them, or do I "LET GO" knowing I control nothing? I would love to say the choice is easy. And I think it involved any other aspect of my life besides one of my precious loans, the decision would probably be a nondecision, I would just do it.

As I go to bed, in a few hours, I will have to make my choice. Do I "LET GO" and put into practice all of the verses that I spew at others, or do I hold on to it all as if I can change or fix anything on my own?